Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
