if you like me you must not know who I am
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
