Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
