hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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