It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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