You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just forgot I was standing up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
