Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
