so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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