I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
