This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
