Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
