Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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