Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
