btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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