I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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