so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
