as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
