I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I supernannyed him into submission
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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