Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
