Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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