Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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