Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
