stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
