you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
