is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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