but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
