a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
