So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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