If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
