need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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