Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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