My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
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Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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