I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
