So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
