Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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