Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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