drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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