i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
