the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
