cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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