Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
