I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
