ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
