they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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