I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
