How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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