I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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