im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You dont lie about slip and slides
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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