she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
