drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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