i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
