If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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