May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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