I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
