her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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