He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
