I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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