so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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