just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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