I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
