I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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