HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
