***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
