u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
