I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
