so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
