She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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