She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
