it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
