I just pynch a tree in the face
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
