this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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