shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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