I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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