"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
