My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We are two peas in an std pod
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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