My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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