the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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