At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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