She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
