Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
