you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
