Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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